So is there a right time for your kids to move out of home? I ask this question because it’s a topic that tends to come up when your children reach a certain age. And our 21 and 18-year-olds, who are both studying at the university in our city, are slowly nearing the moving out phase (ugh).
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not bringing up this topic because I want my kids to move out any time soon. Absolutely not. In fact, I’m quite enjoying having daughter number 1 back at home again after living in Halls of Residence during her first year at university* because I’ve realised that our time of all living together as a family is drawing to a close and I want time to slow down a bit.
Daughter number 2 is living at Halls of Residence this year (her first year of studying) so we only get to see her on weekends now. And it’s so great when she comes home after not having her around all week. We really miss her! She’s now thinking about sharing a flat with friends next year, but she might end up coming back home just like her sister did.
So when is the right time?
Some families view the end of their children’s high schooling (when they go off to university or to other tertiary education or a job) as the time their children move out of the home. It’s almost a seamless and expected move for some, especially if they are studying far away. And I guess that’s why there is often parental sadness when their kids go off to study after school. It’s the end of an era of living together as a family.
My experience was similar to this. I lived 30 minutes from my chosen university so I shared a flat (close to campus) with a friend. My university tuition and accommodation were paid for during my Uni years, but it was the expectation that when I finished my degree, I would get a job and pay my own way. I didn’t move back home after university, but continued flatting, paying my own rent and expenses.
My husband’s situation was slightly different. He lived in the same city as the university he attended so it made financial sense for him to live at home during those years. Also, he didn’t leave home after he had finished his degree, only leaving when he went travelling at the age of 24.
Is there a right time for your kids to move out of home? Click To TweetThese days a different economic environment could have a lot to do with why kids tend to live at home for longer than generations before. High rental rates and house prices are often out of reach for young adults who are starting out, and jobs are possibly not as easy to come by. Parents find themselves having their children living with them for much longer nowadays. Is this your experience?
Move out or stay at home after the first year (or at the end) of tertiary education?
I guess making this decision depends on different factors for every family. For us, it makes financial sense for our kids to move back home after their first year because rental rates are high in our city. And they can live at home so why incur further costs? If, however, your child is studying out of town, they won’t have any alternative but to move out. And then that decision is basically made for you.
But what if they do live close to their place of study and still want to flat with friends? I suppose that would mean having to work out a financial compromise of sorts. Or possibly acquiring a loan.
So what is the answer?
I feel that the role of a parent is to love, teach and be there for our children, acting as a refuge for them in this often crazy world. And this means providing them with a place to stay and some financial assistance while they are growing up and studying if you can afford it. In our family, we have encouraged our kids to get casual jobs to earn their own money for any little extras they might want, while they are at school and university. We have also attempted to teach them responsibility, resilience, a few practical skills, how to budget and work with their finances so that they will eventually be able to live independently.
We want to be here for our kids as long as they need us, but also equip them so that they will eventually feel a natural desire to move out. Kids need to be confident, self-sufficient, capable, responsible adults to ensure that moving out will be a good, healthy and positive experience.
What are your views? Do you expect your children to move out after high school or after tertiary education? Any hard-and-fast expectations? Do you think there is a right time for your kids to move out of home? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Also, check out this interesting article about a new survey which says that you’re not a proper adult until you’re 26. Read their list of the Top 50 signs that you’re an independent adult.
*Students generally only stay in Halls of Residence for the first year of university in New Zealand.
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