How to Deal with Feeling Invisible in Midlife

So you feel invisible in midlife? When you walk into a room no one pays much attention to you anymore? Maybe you feel as if you’re just not being taken seriously any longer? Or maybe you have lost your self-confidence now that you’re middle-aged?

I would guess that you might have answered yes to at least one of those questions because I know that when I talk to my friends about midlife, this subject often comes up. We feel that middle-aged women are less respected in society compared to, for example, middle-aged men or younger women – and it frustrates us.

But before we delve into how to deal with feeling invisible, let’s find out why we’re feeling this way.

Why are we feeling invisible in midlife?

Well, I think it’s because we’re undergoing so much physical, emotional and mental change during perimenopause and menopause and it knocks our confidence.

Related: How to Tell If You’re in Perimenopause.

As women, our physical features and value are historically intertwined so when our hair starts greying, our faces wrinkle and our body shapes change, we feel like we’re losing our sense of value. These changes lead to our body confidence taking a big knock. We’re also experiencing weight gain, hot flushes, mood swings, anxiety, sleep disturbances, sadness and sometimes even depression and all of these symptoms affect our overall sense of well-being.

Pair that with the fact that our society does not seem to honour and respect older women as much as they could, making middle-aged women feel old and irrelevant both generally and also in the workplace.

We also sometimes feel as if we just don’t measure up because of society’s opinion that young women are beautiful and older women, not so much.

In addition, self-doubt becomes more prevalent as our bodies mature, empty-nesting becomes a sad reality and we feel judged because of our ageing. This makes us feel ‘less than’.

We also tend to focus on our weaknesses, not our strengths at this time.

I think we could also, possibly, be relying too much on male validation.

The above factors frequently emerge during midlife and add to our overall feeling of invisibility. And we aren’t helping ourselves because we often buy into the notion that as middle-aged women we are past our prime and don’t have anything of value to contribute to society anymore. So not only is society devaluating us, but we’re devaluing ourselves.

And we shouldn’t! We are valuable members of society, each of us having so much to contribute. And we need to show ourselves and society that. So…

How can I deal with feeling invisible in midlife and help society to see me?

Change your mindset. Realise that you’re actually awesome. Work on having a positive outlook on life because that will make a real difference in your happiness and confidence levels and subsequently affect how you perceive yourself.

Support other middle-aged women. Compliment each other and build each other up because we’re all in this together and we should help each other out whenever we can. In addition, giving someone a compliment not only encourages them but is also significant because it helps us feel good too.

Give your life meaning and purpose. I started a new blog at the age of 49 and I have found that writing and blogging have opened up a whole new world of learning and discovery for me. In addition, writing is also a creative outlet that allows me to express myself which is incredibly beneficial at this stage in my life. I would encourage you to find your passion and follow your dreams.

Try something new and exciting. After 18 years of not working, I went back to work in an office environment. It was a steep learning experience but I felt amazingly empowered by my efforts. I realised that I had something worthwhile to offer and that boosted my confidence incredibly. Boosting your confidence makes you feel more visible. People tend to take you seriously when you are more confident.

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Have a fascinating mind. Read extensively and never stop learning because you’ll broaden your mind and you’ll always have interesting topics to discuss with others. Also, people will seek you out as someone who is fun to talk to and interesting to have at gatherings. And as a result, your visibility could improve.

Acknowledge that you’re relevant. After bringing up your children and/or focusing on your career, you have much to teach others and share with the world – appreciate that your life has been valuable and worthwhile and verbalise that to others.

Accept yourself. And learn to ‘let things go’.

Focus on self-care. Look after your physical, mental and emotional well-being because it’s super important.

Related: Self-Care and 5 Awesome Products You Need in Your Life.

Ask yourself what you like, what you’re passionate about, what makes you happy. Do more of that.

Discover what you don’t like, what you always thought you should like but actually don’t, what makes you miserable. And say no to that.

Speak up and out. Realise your worth and make yourself heard because you’ll be better for it and because when you step out of your comfort zone you will grow in confidence and self-worth.

Be less judgmental. If someone else wants to get Botox or a facelift or embrace their grey hair – don’t bring them down. Lift each other up. Be accepting and tolerant of other middle-aged women because we’re all on the same team. Also, you’d want them to accept you and your choices, wouldn’t you?

Concentrate on your strengths, not your weaknesses. You may have raised children, had a successful career, managed to maintain a strong marriage, formed long-lasting friendships, continued learning throughout life, dared to start a new career, maintained your fitness or maybe you’ve been a great help in your ageing parents’ lives, so focus on those positive aspects. Don’t harp on your flaws and point them out to others.

Be engaged in other people’s lives. Being a good wife, daughter and friend or colleague means that you are involved in other people’s lives and are important to your ‘village’. This might boost your confidence and ultimately make you feel more wanted, needed and less invisible in midlife.

Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good about yourself because why on earth wouldn’t you?

Don’t be afraid to talk to strangers or smile at people. Just like you, others love to be seen and heard so why not take the first step?

What physical changes can I make to be more visible in midlife?

Dress for success. By this I mean – don’t give up when you hit middle-age and become frumpy. Investing in your wardrobe will result in you feeling infinitely better about yourself. So, buy that capsule wardrobe over time, wear good underwear and save for those shoes and accessories.

Invest in good skin care and makeup. Update your skincare and makeup routines when your skin ages so that you continue to look and feel good. Bad makeup application is extremely ageing and totally unnecessary nowadays. If you don’t feel confident about doing your makeup, book a makeup course or experiment and learn how to apply makeup well for a middle-aged woman. When you look good, you feel good and people will take notice. If you don’t buy into the excessive skincare and makeup thing, be sure to at least moisturise and apply SPF.

Don’t forget about your hair. Invest in a good cut and colour or treatment because being middle-aged doesn’t mean you have to sport an old lady hairstyle (grey hair or not). It will make a difference in how you feel, how you present yourself to the world and how the world reacts to you.

Nutrition is important. Make sure you’re eating a healthy diet appropriate for middle-age because when you eat well you feel better.

Look after your teeth. Rotten, yellow teeth are very ageing so avoid this at all costs.

While some of these factors may seem rather shallow and frivolous (and hard work and expensive), I find that when I improve my physical features, I boost my confidence. And ultimately, taking care of myself (self-care) is a means of attaining confidence. In addition, when we’re physically healthy we are strong enough to work on our emotional and mental health as well.

Of course, confidence also comes from being self-assured through knowing our strengths and good qualities and appreciating them.

And in the end, we come to realise that we can, of course, be confident at any age. So, knowing that, we definitely shouldn’t lose our confidence at this significant time of our lives. Don’t you agree? Because after everything we’ve achieved during our lives, now is the time to bask in some glory and be celebrated by society for our awesomeness. That only seems fair.

So, go out, claim your confidence and demonstrate to the world that you are amazing and worthy. Command respect and acknowledgement (and possibly even some awe), and you might find that feeling invisible in midlife will become a thing of the past.

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How do you cope with feeling invisible in your midlife journey?

Cover Photo by Max Hofstetter on Unsplash

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