Midlife can be incredibly challenging and stressful, stirring up feelings of isolation and exhaustion. And if you’re finding that you simply cannot cope with all you have to do in your life anymore now that you’re in midlife, then you may have midlife burnout.
But the good news is you don’t have to suffer through it. There are some simple steps you can take to start overcoming the ongoing stress and reclaim your life. Read on to see how.
What is burnout?
Essentially burnout comes from doing too much over an extended period of time, often by setting unrealistic expectations of yourself.
You’ll feel exhausted, unmotivated, hopeless, anxious, forgetful and often resentful. You may also feel like you’re doing the same thing over and over without achieving anything substantial.
The term burnout first came about to describe work stress and overwhelm, but it can easily be used to describe the challenges we feel in midlife. Because burnout is basically when a person is overworked and pessimistic, spreading themselves too thin and ignoring their own needs. And women tend to have very similar feelings when experiencing perimenopause in midlife.
Is there a difference between stress and burnout?
Yes – people who are stressed can feel better when they get everything under control in their lives. But when you’re suffering from burnout, you feel exhausted, empty and devoid of motivation. It feels never-ending.
Burnout leads to the inability to cope with a prolonged stressful and overworking lifestyle. But while you can overcome stress by getting in control of a few small things, burnout needs a multi-pronged approach. And that plan will start with small steps.
It’s worth pointing out here that burnout and depression can have very similar symptoms so it’s important to have yourself properly diagnosed so that you’re getting the correct treatment.
What is midlife burnout?
Midlife burnout happens when we are trying to do the same amount we’ve always done, but we now have less energy and physically we’re struggling with perimenopause symptoms. So it results from having too much on your plate while experiencing significant changes in your body, feeling like you’re not achieving enough, and being exhausted. Midlife is also the time that many of our responsibilities come to a head and we feel like we’re running out of time to do everything we want to do.
Yes, we may think that we’re getting to a stage when we have more me-time, but in reality, we find ourselves trying to come to terms with our adult children leaving home, dealing with adult children’s problems, possibly dealing with ill, ageing parents, working and running a household. And you may argue that we dealt with even more when our children were younger, but we must remember that this time we’re undergoing the many physical and emotional changes of perimenopause. So it’s understandable that we can feel stressed and sometimes experience burnout. But with the following tips, you can get back on track and find the motivation to live a happy and fulfilling life.
What can you do about midlife burnout?
1. Identify Your Goals and Priorities
Before you can start to move forward, you need to get clear about what your goals are. So, take the time to determine what’s important and meaningful for you in this phase of life. Identify the values that drive you, and make a list of the dreams, hopes and concerns that you want to address. Setting tangible goals will help guide your decisions going forward, keeping you on track towards achieving your vision for yourself. When you have this clarity, you can more easily move towards making them a reality.
2. Challenge Toxic Thinking Patterns
Unhelpful thought patterns can lead to low self-esteem and can lead to feeling overwhelmed by life’s challenges. But by identifying and challenging negative thinking, you can begin to rewire how you process events in your life. This can help reduce stress and provide the focus for making changes in your life.
3. Establish Healthy Boundaries with Others
This is an important step in managing midlife burnout. It means saying “no” to requests or demands that you don’t feel comfortable doing. Setting these boundaries requires being honest and clear about what you can and cannot do, as well as what feels okay for you. Taking small steps towards assertiveness can help build confidence in your decisions. By setting boundaries, you will be able to ensure that you are not feeling too overloaded or taken advantage of.
And this also allows you to regularly set aside time for yourself – which leads me to the next step –
4. Nurture Connections with Yourself and Other People
To truly combat midlife burnout, it is essential to nurture connections with other people and also with yourself. This means taking some time out of your day to do something you enjoy or that relaxes you. This could include a walk in nature, spending quality time with friends, cooking, reading, or exercising. Having a strong connection daily is important for emotional well-being and can help decrease levels of stress and improve your overall mental health.
Feeling lonely? Here’s how to make (and keep) friends in midlife
5. Re-evaluate Your Finances and Career Choices
Dealing with midlife burnout also involves taking an honest and critical look at your finances and/or career choices. It may be time to consider making a change to a job that is better suited to where you are in life right now. Crunch the numbers, and create a budget that mirrors your current financial situation. Then make a plan to build up savings while also helping cushion against life’s unexpected hiccups. All of these small action plans will help you to feel more in control of your life.
6. Identify Unhealthy Patterns
It’s worthwhile looking at how you spend your time and paying attention to the way you interact with people. Are there any unhealthy patterns or habits that are sapping your energy? Why? Because identifying them is the first step towards reclaiming your purpose and energizing yourself. Make a list of them and try to slowly break away from these behaviours.
More ideas to help with midlife burnout
7. Focus on Wellness
Effective wellness management should become part of your daily routine and will help refuel your motivation and energy levels throughout the day. Whether you decide to get a massage, practice yoga and meditation, invest in a health coach, or find another form of self-care that works best for you – the most important thing is to make sure your physical, mental and emotional well-being is always taken care of.
Prioritise your self-care. This can mean incorporating new, healthy habits into your daily routine, spending more time in nature, practising mindfulness, and going to therapy. Because investing in yourself pays off especially when the going gets tough.
8. Learn something new
You may think that you’re trying to cut things out, to slow down and do less, but you also need to replenish your energy by doing things that build you up. When you are focussing on learning something new, you’ll increase brain function. Research has shown that engaging in activities such as learning a new language or skill can help to maintain or even improve brain health. Why should you do this? Because it can be highly rewarding and can provide a sense of self-fulfilment and a boost in self-confidence.
It can also help to encourage creativity and problem-solving abilities. All of this equates to investing in yourself and making time for yourself.
9. Stay active
Get moving! Schedule a morning walk or a 10-minute weights session. Exercise helps to reduce stress and you’ll get a wonderful sense of personal achievement when you’re doing a workout.
10. Make time for hobbies and relaxation
Midlife is a great time to take up a new hobby – reading, knitting, painting, etc. because we may have more time when our children grow up. And making time to relax is important for you.
But most importantly, learn to be comfortable doing nothing. Ditch the shame and guilt that gets foisted on us for taking a rest. We aren’t supposed to be busy all the time.
11. Get support
Ask for help if you’re feeling too overwhelmed to take that first step. Often talking to a partner or good friend will help you to clarify your plan of action. That person could also become your mentor or accountability person when you need to check in on how you’re doing.
12. Set up a healthy sleep plan
And lastly, getting enough sleep can make a big difference in how we deal with the stressors in our lives because if you’re exhausted you’ll feel depleted and unable to cope when difficult circumstances arise.
CONCLUSION
Burnout can often feel so overwhelming that you don’t know where to start. But it doesn’t have to mean you always have to feel that way. By understanding the symptoms and causes and slowly introducing new strategies in your life, you can recover and live a happier, healthier life.
And very importantly – remember to be kind to yourself every step of the way.
Are you experiencing midlife burnout? Or are you struggling to rebalance your work/personal life? Maybe you know you’re going through a tough time, but don’t know what to do about it. Which of the steps I mentioned above will you try first? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
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