I can’t begin to tell you how much I love receiving these completed Weird and Wonderful Midlife interview questionnaires in my inbox! The women who have participated are awesome and I adore reading about their life experiences and how they feel about their lives during this midlife phase. (See the previous interview answers about midlife here, here and here.) This time we’ve got my amazing friend, Jean, sharing her answers with us. I’m so excited to have this bright, eloquent and talented woman here on my blog today. Enjoy reading her answers:
How old are you, Jean?
I feel 103 most days, but that’s just whilst trying to get out of bed…..gone are the days of just springing up and one has the sneaky suspicion that it’s only going to get worse. If it takes this long at 47 to get to standing, who knows how long it’s going to take 10 years from now…..cue resolution to do more yoga.
When did you start feeling ‘middle-aged’? Was it sudden or gradual? Or don’t you feel the part yet?
I don’t always feel middle-aged, in fact, I find myself blissfully unaware of my age most of the time. An unexpected glimpse of myself in a mirror/shop window is quite often a bit of a shock as I wonder who that middle-aged woman is and suddenly realise it IS ME!….cue resolution to remove mirror from the house and definitely throw the magnifying one for viewing all those new hairs I have to pluck, right out of the window. The upside of failing eyesight is surely not seeing all the new wrinkles, so why mess with that.
Are you single/married/separated/divorced/widowed? (You can elaborate if you want to, eg. Married for 20 years/recently divorced or widowed etc.)
Happily married for 26 years. He is middle-aged too. Definitely enjoying growing old together (OK, he’s a little older than I am and I enjoy reminding him of that, makes me feel younger).
Do you have children? Do they still live at home? Have they moved out already?
We have 3 children – 25, 20 and 17 years. Our eldest is saving up for a deposit on a house and although I used to think she should have spread her wings earlier, the reality seems to be that earning enough to move out isn’t as easy as it was in my youth (yep, that statement didn’t make me feel middle-aged at all 🙂 ). The upside of free house sitting, dinner I didn’t have to cook at least once a week and lovely girly chat, are all excellent reasons to discourage further independence (clearly me from my children, rather than the other way around). Our middle son is at university an hour away and thankfully plays rugby, so we have an excuse to go and see him without appearing too stalkerish. And small fry (yep, the baby is 6’5” now….rude!) still has 18 months of school left before he flies the coup. I blame him really for the sense of impending doom I feel. He should be driving within the next 6 months and then I really won’t have any purpose, sorry, I mean any more excuses to delay finding my “post-children purpose”.
How do you feel about empty nesting? (Present or future. Is it something you’re dreading or welcoming?)
On the good days, I’m quite excited about what the future holds, new directions, more time with my own thoughts, less responsibility for others and on the bad days I am scared rigid for all the same reasons. I suppose the trouble with experience is that you can usually think of more reasons “why not” than in your 20s/30s when you were blissfully ignorant about what could go wrong.
Do you work? Full-time/Part-time? Are you a SAHM? Retired?
In a previous life I had a career as an Accident and Emergency doctor, then the cons outweighed the pros for our family so I gave it all up (toughest decision of my life but can’t bring myself to regret it, even on the bad days, and believe me I do try). So for the past 10 years I have been a domestic goddess (SAHM) lurched from one project to another, major house renovation, cake decorating business, bookkeeping for the husband’s business when he started it, plus all the other unsung jobs involved in raising 3 children and running a household smoothly without anyone getting maimed, expelled or having to wear a creased shirt to work (not saying I have a 100% record on all those, mind). Currently busy making an off-grid campervan to accommodate very tall people, because I have this fantasy about an adult gap year and travelling all over Europe. Young me would have had reservations about the budget but not a single concern about whether fantasy would live up to reality. Middle-aged me has the opposite problem. So much so that I’ve already done the business plan for what happens if it doesn’t turn out to be all our dreams fulfilled. And I guess I’ll move on to the next project with another story to tell.
Do you exercise regularly?
Have to! My mental state demands it. Or rather, the family starts to demand it if I haven’t exercised for a while, as apparently I become hard to live with…….or do they just become hard to live with?
If so, what do you do and how regularly do you exercise? If not, do you want to?
Walk, cycle, boot camp, yoga, something most days……..Exercise has changed though, in middle age, it’s more about maintenance and delaying decline than trying to prove anything to anyone else (ahem, middle-aged men in lycra on your £3000 bikes take note). Cycling routes are planned around coffee shops with the best cake.
Do you have any menopause symptoms?
Perhaps the shorter response is which ones don’t I have. Was a bit of a shock to realise it starts about 10 years before your periods actually stop……..which is more or less the only upside, so how come I can’t have me some of that? I believe the increased frequency of migraines will abate too once I’m out the other side, so we live in hope.
Do you have any midlife ailments? eg. Failing eyesight, memory loss, hair loss/growth etc.
All of the above.
What is your top health tip? eg. Magnesium, aromatherapy oils, exercising, mindfulness, diet etc.
Eat healthy, exercise regularly, distract yourself from the small stuff, and remember this too shall pass, probably not anytime soon, but eventually……..and then your eyesight will be even worse than it is today, you’ll have even more wrinkles and it’ll take even longer to get out of bed, so make the most of today.
What’s the best aspect of being middle-aged (in your opinion)? eg. Feeling more self-assured.
Is there one? Having really good friends to share it with……cheaper than therapy. 🙂
What’s the worst aspect of being middle-aged (in your opinion)? eg. Loneliness and a loss of purpose. And what do you do to combat those aspects?
Bad things seem to be happening more to those around me, loss seems to be a big part of middle age. Friends get sick, parents get old and perhaps because it’s closer to home it’s more difficult to be unmoved by it. Let’s face it, in your 20s you are going to weddings and baby showers, not funerals and meetings with care homes. But you also didn’t have the joy of watching your kids grow up and find their path or the appreciation of what your parents went through when they were the age you are now.
Is travelling an important option in your midlife? Or are you more of a homebody?
See campervan above. Of course, it may turn out I am more of a homebody. In fact, that may become clear 48hrs into our first trip……..or at least for someone who prefers a shower cubicle that isn’t the size of my broom cupboard…..you never know till you try, right?
Where is the best place/destination that you’ve visited?
Too many to mention. Family watersports in Antigua, cycle trip round Croatian islands, surfing in Ireland, skiing in Austria, safari in South Africa, but probably Cape Town will always be home and always be my favourite.
What is your most treasured leisure activity?
Probably anything with the whole family enjoying themselves.
What is your best style/fashion tip for middle-agers?
Be comfortable, whatever that means for you. Especially shoes, life is too short to be focussed on hurty feet or whether you think your skirt might be too short for someone your age.
What is your best skin care product?
Sorry, don’t have one, use whatever moisturiser has a decent SPF.
What is your best make-up product?
Gave my daughter a gel nail pack for Christmas, excellent investment, haven’t had to pay for a manicure since.
What is your daily makeup routine?
Soap, water, moisturiser. Will apply a full face of makeup only if I am going somewhere special, but generally, don’t wear daily makeup.
Surgical age-defying techniques or grow old naturally?
Prefer the aged naturally look to the botched age-defying techniques look, so I guess it’s a “no” to enhancements from me.
Go grey or dye your hair?
Have been dyeing, to remain blonde since moving to Europe, see no reason to stop now.
Do you have any book/movie/podcast recommendations about midlife?
Not specifically about midlife, no.
Do you have any regrets in life?
Let’s not go there. Since I can’t change the architect we selected or the senior school we chose for my daughter or any of the various other “learning experiences” we have had in our lives, I prefer not to focus any more time on thinking about them. Lord knows they enjoyed far too much headspace at the time we were going through them. I’ll stick with old blue eyes “too few to mention”.
What advice would you give to other middle-aged women?
Just do it.
What is your main goal at the moment?
To finish answering this questionnaire. (Hah.)
Do you feel happy on your midlife journey so far? Or do you feel as if you’re going through a crisis?
I think it’s unlikely I’ll have a crisis, I’m still busy with the one I started 10 years ago when I gave up work.
What do you still want to achieve in life?
Overcoming my “resting bitch face” affliction. Having as much personality in person as I do on paper. 🙂
Any other comments you’d like to add?
Well done Bianca on your blog.
Thanks, Jean!
Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom from Pexels
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